Unsure

There has been so much to write about, but everytime I sit to write...nada. I have been feeling overwhelmed lately. This past monday I started my 2 time a week Fetal Non-Stress Tests. For those who don't know, this is where you go into the dr office for about 20mins to half hour and get hooked up to a fetal heart rate monitor and a contraction monitor, much like you do when you are in labor. You are also given a 'button' to press each time you feel the baby move. They are looking to see how the baby is doing and if it is 'stressed' at all. When I was there on Monday my BP was elevated and I had a 7 day headache...all signs of pre-eclampsia. They sent me home with a jug to pee in for 24 hours and a script for some blood work...........and the worry that this baby is coming a lot sooner than expected. I went into panic mode. I thought of all the things I had yet to do...like get PJ's for the hospital, Easter basket stuff for the boys, big brother gifts, not to mention the attention my house has needed. Mondya night Hubby and I went buck wild cleaning our room. I am no longer worried about the nursery being 'done' (as in not a mess, decals on the wall, diaper stacker filled and so on) as when the baby comes home s/he will be sleeping in our room in a pack and play for at least a few weeks. So now I feel a bit better that our room is baby ready. I went out yesterday and got my PJ's and some Easter basket/BB gifts, so that is done. Phew...deep breath. Now tonight I want to pack my hospital bag, jsut in case tomorrows appt doesn't go well. I'd rather be prepared then have to tell Randy where to find things I'm not even sure of where they are. I was a bit sad last night, feeling the baby move, knowing soon this will all be over....the last time I feel movement, the last time we will be a family of 4, the last time I get to shop for new baby things for our baby. But I also am grateful that I have gotten to experience all this, as I have so many friends who have never been able to have bio-children or a pregnancy of their own, so I also know how blessed I am.