They say I need to breathe, but I am hyperventalating

Summer has passed and it has been awhile since I have posted. My summer was spent with my boys, trying to keep them from getting bored, which in turn would have turned me crazy (I know, I don't have far to go!). We went to OBX for a week, CT for 5 days, then back to CT for another night. We played with friends, we woke up late, didn't get dressed some days, went shopping, we watched movies, we cleaned, we grew. All the while Randy and I were battling the school district to get Cody the help he so NEEDS. At the end of last year we had requested an outside evaluation after their orginal eval came back stating he didn't meet critera for any services. They denied the outside eval, so we contacted a lawyer who does special ed law and fought them. The price was high (they take $5,000 up front), the tears, frustration, the worry if it will all work out the way we need it to....the way Cody needs it to. I am happy to say we have 'settled' with the district, and are in the process of getting an outside eval for Cody. While all of this is going on my baby has grown into a toddler. A toddler who does not talk. AT 15 months old Casey says "hi" that is all. He babbles, but no words. Many people try to reassure me and give me excuses as to why he is not speaking "His brothers speak for him" is the biggest one, but as a mom who never thought there was anything seriously wrong with Cody, I am getting a pit in my stomach with the thought that I may have another ASD child on my hands. I am trying to breathe through it, take it day by day. But then we have a bad day and I feel like I am hyperventalating. I'm not sure I can give one ASD child the things he needs, let alone 2. I sit here and wonder "Why me, why my children" Have I not been through enough, why should they have to deal with anything. It's not fair. But then again a lot of other things aren't fair....cancer is not fair, babies born with heart defects is not fair, a mothering surviving her child is not fair. I try to breathe, but sometimes I find myself hyperventalating, but I look around and all that I do have and all that I CAN do and my breathing slows. That's not to say it won't speed up again, but for now it has slowed.